Milly: First Day

TW: Milly’s Story contains Coercive Behaviour

The two cribs resided in the smaller room. It took away space from Selena and left her to suffer restless nights. The room was narrow, with a large window at one end, bookmarked by a crib and bed. Nadia slept beside her brother further from the window, quiet and not demanding. Her presence at home did not ease the weeks of worry that she might not survive. What remained of the room contained a loveseat and dresser. Milly it crammed full of green clothes for the three children.

Hunter set aside the larger room next door for James. It provided ample space for him to stretch his muscles and receive the light needed for his growth. Hunter filled the space with toys and activities to stimulate his mind or escape his siblings. Science, music and art interspersed with voidcritters, books and sports. His wardrobe contained clothes which conformed to the green theme of their family. This restriction on colour was a growing issue for the twins as they loved colour. Their first day of school would already be difficult without a monotone wardrobe. Milly feared the lack of socialisation with other toddlers would make them shy.

School, how could Milly forget? Nadia commanded her undivided attention. Her baby girl became the sole focus of her devotion. Bringing her home and uniting all her children became all-consuming. So why did she find it surprising that she forgot James and Selena were starting school? Milly had planned this day in her mind. She would present herself at the door, smiling as the children in a conga line arrived at the gate. Milly would have two rucksacks, each with a notebook, pens and pencils aligned in case. Lunch would prepared the night before, a peanut butter jam for James and ham for Selena. She planned to incorporate apple slices and a cookie as a special treat for the first day.

The reality proved quite different from the one she imagined. The nurses adhered to a strict schedule for Nadia. It deviated from what Aiden had grown accustomed to. Milly felt exhausted, with one infant asleep and another awake. The remaining time Milly spent on the demands of the older twins. As she fell into bed, Hunter would return expecting her to attend to his needs. Saying “No” met with disappointment. What had he done to offend her? Did she no longer find him attractive? Or did jealousy of the women swooning over him each show stop her? Hunter would laugh, pinching her cheeks. His devotion to her should never be in question. She was the mother of his children. How could he ever love another woman? He wanted her in his bed.

Milly shuddered, returning her focus to preparing for the day. It had taken several weeks to sync her infant twins, at least for feeding and nap times. Nadia drank from her bottle, propped up on cushions, while Aiden consumed milk direct. Milly placed the twins in their cribs for the morning nap and glanced at the empty bed. Selena disagreed with the decision choice to gift a separate bedroom to James. Each night, Selena snuck into the bedroom. She unrolled a sleeping bag and camped beside her brother. Milly nudged the twins. She offered the promise of pancakes if they prepared themselves in silence.

Her vision of the ideal morning shattered. Milly hastily prepared lunch, pairing sandwiches with an unhealthy slice of cake. The scent of baby sick on her dress and unwashed hair ripped apart her fairy-tale image of the perfect mother. Yet nothing would stop Milly. She stood proud and watched them take their first steps into the outside world alone.